AurKuchh(Orkut) nahi chahiye mujhe

Now communication is a basic human necessity apart from roti, kapda aur makan (and zeenat aman). Researchers say humans can handle prolonged thirst and hunger but would go mad if left with no one to share their thoughts. From smoke signals to pigeons, from teligrams to emails, from Alex Bell to Anil Ambani, communications have come a long way.

Now social networking is empowering people to reach across boundaries and share their life with others. Any internet user worth his clicks has to have an orkut account (more so if you are Portugese, Brazilian or of Indian sub continent). Owned by Google and named at its creator: Orkut Büyükkökten (Please do not try to memorize the spelling or pronounce it and worst make dirty puns of the name. Move ahead with the post) it has captured imagination of a sizable number of users (To sound informed and kool visit the wiki page).

The users range from college/school friends who meet daily and go home to scrap to an old acquaintance in your alma mater to some random guy who saw you activity in an orkut community and lo behold half of humanity wants to be friends with you especially if you are hot looking female with a profile pic as your own.

Now Orkut has got two great features. Scrapbook and Message Inbox. Like a true engineer (I have a piece of paper that says so) I would explain you communication mechanism with diagrams and professional looking ones at that.

Scrapbook: It is like the wall in front of your house where friends can park their car in whatever manner they can and whenever they can and rest of the neighborhood knows who has payed you the visit. That is fine but it also allows:

  • Stangers to relieve themselves of nature’s call even if you put obnoxious warnings (“Yahaan peshab karna mana hai”, “Dekho gadha m&$# raha hai”)
  • Promote their business (“Ek moje pe do joote free free, bhayankar chhoot, aaj hi aye…..”)
  • Protesters to put messages and slogans (“Dilli chalo”, “XYZ ko apna mat daan karen”)
  • Cheesy advertisements (“___ rogi mile ya likhe Dr. Ashok/Hakeem Usmani ko”)

Well the last ones are found on walls near railway tracks just outside city limits. Forget the stranges here is a sample scrapbook conversation with parenthesized thoughts of the scrap writer.

Fig 1
Message Inbox: Now in an innovative streak orkut people have extended the basic tenets of ‘right to speech’ to ‘right to shout at the top of your voice in some one’s ear and then give a loud burp too’. Fig 2

The barrage of mails pouring hard at your inbox satiates all your desires for communication and even if you are naive enough to start deleting the messages one after another, clicking as furiously as you can you know it is an attempt in vain, you will end up in Sisyphus’ infinite loop.

Wait I just got pinged for some hot (scathing) profile pic, ttly dude (and dudettes)

Note: In Fig 2. The un-parenthesized parts are actual messages and parenthesized one’s are the readers reaction. Do share your interesting experiences with orkut

14 Responses to “AurKuchh(Orkut) nahi chahiye mujhe”

  1. 1 desh
    2008/02/15 at 9:14 am

    mahaan postsequence diagrams put to use for the frst time after booch made them 20 years backorkut was good few years backit has become highly miserable in the recent past

  2. 2 Sandy
    2008/02/15 at 10:58 am

    aaj tak orkut waalon ne bhi aise sequence diagram banaye honge kyacopy right kar loaur waise ye bhagyashree ki phuto acchi haipehle to main photo dekh kar samajha nahin ki kyun lagayi haifir kuch der baad jab dhyan se dekha to kabootar nazar aaya to samjha ki aap communicashun ki baat kar rahe ho

  3. 3 Su
    2008/02/15 at 11:49 am

    u r a highly jobless person, who’s innovative skills is doin u some kinda good… 🙂

  4. 4 EggHe/\D
    2008/02/15 at 4:01 pm

    Refreshing post as ever, but you have lost the dose of being sardonic. Add a few typos here and there (teligram, payed). Common man, you are lost in too much of bakar.Expecting the quality of su-do-coup to be restored again.Amen!!!

  5. 5 Yogesh
    2008/02/18 at 6:52 am

    yeh to thalue pan ki hadd ho gayi…agar iski koi limit hoti to aap woh cross kar chuke ho..waise analysis accha hai..

  6. 6 Venkatraman
    2008/02/18 at 9:11 am

    Good post dude. Keep going !!! rather keep scrapping 😉 One more you can add is the State transition diagram on how a guy gets transformed across months in orkut.I am still an outlaw as I do not have an orkut account 😉 – neither want one.

  7. 7 TheQuark
    2008/02/20 at 4:34 am

    @Desh: They have missed the bus. Orkut could not manage the noise after they got a critical mass of well connected users. I wanted to add orkut communities also but then thought otherwise.@Sandy: Actually main do photo rakhna chahta thha, smoke signals aur kabootar ki par smoke signals ki sab copyrighted material mil raha thha isliye link dena pada. @Su: Well that depends on what do you define as a _job_. @egghe/\d: Point taken Sir, the post was completed in a jiffy and I am no stickler with spelling correctness until and unless it hampers what I have to say. (BTW if you read ToI now a days I notice they use ‘i’ in lower case!)@Yogesh: Theluepan ki had ye hai ki janaab aap ye theluapan pad ke comment bhi kar rahe hain 🙂 It is good to be thelua@Venkatraman: Thanks for dropping by. Well I was new to the tool so it took a little for me to figure out how to draw these diagrams itself. I am fond of state machines so I probably would apply them in later posts. Comments invited for other posts too.More than an outlaw you are an outlier ;). There is a pestilence of social networking websites and people flooding my inbox with invitations to the websites

  8. 8 The Man
    2008/02/24 at 3:05 pm

    I envy your joblessness.

  9. 9 Supriya Narang
    2008/02/26 at 12:48 pm

    *Bows*Extremely brilliant :DI presume u either have to make a lot of sequence diagrams in office or spend a lot of time orkutting..:P

  10. 10 TheQuark
    2008/02/26 at 12:55 pm

    @TheMan: :)@Supriya Narang: Thanks. Well it is both actually :)and _a lot_ is quite subjectiveBTW r u sherlock holmes fan?

  11. 11 Anonymous
    2009/12/01 at 10:24 pm

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  12. 12 Anonymous
    2010/01/08 at 12:27 am

    Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

  13. 13 TheQuark
    2010/01/08 at 9:14 am

    Dear Anonymous (2nd one) though I get irked talking to nameless names and faceless faces. I opened the blog for Anonymous posters with much trepidation but you have increased my confidence.I too believe that I have come a long way since starting the blog. And I have always kept the old posts however worthless they are to remind me who I was. I would need feedback from discerning readers like you. Thanks

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