The Kurious Kase of Missing Kalashnikov

Well examinations can do strange things to stranger people. Gates for the blitzkrieg were about to be opened and people were in a mugging frenzy. Amidst the chaos some innovative people find newer ways to screw other people’s head. Our protagonist, lets call him S was a firm believer in the adage – “When rape is inevitable lay down and enjoy”. Not only did he believe in it but wanted others to experience the statutory offense too.

With the subterfuge of revision S saw a worthy pursuit, egrossed in text book, and posed a seemingly innocent question. “Have you seen the Kalashnikov Theorem?”. The choice of the fake name of theorem itself tells volumes about S. The hunt, lets name him G gave a bewildered expression which changed to that of a deer caught in front of headlight when S gave him a random page number and moved on casually. G could not believe after all the lecture notes, hours of going through every nook and crany of book he did not even know THE kalashnikov theorem. He metaphorically kicked himself in the nuts but when he could not locate Kalashnikov theorem or even the scent of it, G caught hold of S and started asking him where the heck is Kalashnikov theorem in the book. At least S can tell him what was the theorem about.

S gave a guffaw and told him it was a lie, he was just messing with G but he was up for a twist in the tale. G went furious, taking that to be some game plan on S’s part to avoid G getting that weird theorem which can turn the table in G’s favor. If only he could know the Kalashnikov. S was still laughing but G entered in a state of denial like a Hindi Cinema character actor who is still in disbelief that his/her object of love is dead. “Ye nahi ho sakta, keh do ki ye ek jhooth hai, ek bhadda mazaak.” (Expletives and blasphemies edited out, this is a family oriented blog). G was literally roughing up S like Hindi Film police inspector to divulge the whereabouts of Kalashnikov. “Tera to baap bhi batayega ki Kalashnikov kahaan chhupa rakha hai“. Much to his dismay G’s dismay he could not extract the confession in time and he went to exam one theorem less but still wondering when exactly was S messing with him.

As for the moral of the story, if you get one do put it up in the comments. We had a nice laugh after this. If you ask him, G would not even remember the incident. As for the exam, I do not remember anything about it except there was no question related Kalashnikov theorem.

11 Responses to “The Kurious Kase of Missing Kalashnikov”

  1. 1 BenchMan
    2009/03/19 at 11:30 pm

    Hihahahahahahahaahhaahha!Nice for reminding this funny exploit one correction though, it was “Marshall’s theorem, u have to be factual, even about the fiction ;)u can start a series in fact,to narrate funny weird incidents from those 4 yrs. Maybe we can put them in a book later on and earn some royalty ;)I will try to contribute too!

  2. 2 TheQuark
    2009/03/19 at 11:34 pm

    Yes, now I remember. The plan would have failed if somehow G would have shared your penchant for guns so you changed the script to have Marshall’s Theorem. Regarding contribution. You would be the main author if such a book was ever to be written.

  3. 3 Sridhar
    2009/03/20 at 2:38 am

    man.. I pulled this on so many people.

  4. 4 FailedGod
    2009/03/20 at 2:40 am

    hehehe…It was Malcolm's theorem..Subject was probability & statistics…Even till this date, when I ask G, as to why his pointer is not 4/4, he rues the fact that he failed to solve the question relation to Malcolm's theorem…if only, S would have been more considerate….

  5. 5 EggHe/\D
    2009/03/20 at 7:12 am

    I keep forgetting who were G & S. But I totally vehemently oppose to the statement that this a family oriented blog :)Malcolm's theorem … man o man … any new bakras in the firangi land 🙂

  6. 6 FailedGod
    2009/03/20 at 11:55 am

    incidentally, G stands for Gas also.

  7. 7 Prasanna Harpanhalli
    2009/03/20 at 9:16 pm

    Family oriented blog hell yeah…! Is it the dis oriented family like the ‘Family Guy’ you are talking of ? Anyways I feel the Headline can easily be Kurious Kase of Kalpanik Kalashnikov Moral of the story :Apparently S was good at pulling the G’s strings… 🙂

    2009/03/21 at 8:22 am

    Do you have better than this ! I am sure you have! Every time i say – A right guy in Wrong Profession ( or academia)

    2009/03/21 at 8:22 am

    Do you have better than this ! I am sure you have! Every time i say – A right guy in Wrong Profession ( or academia)

  10. 10 TheQuark
    2009/03/21 at 9:29 am

    @stridhar: Share some if they are worth sharing.@EggHead, FailedGod: Now now, all the names have been abbreviated to maintain anonymity. So identity of G & S can be discussed off the blog :)@Prasanna: LOL, nice moral of the story. Do you play guitar? There are many corny jokes with G string there too :P@Anarchist: I (*WE*) have many my friend. But most of them are either indigestible for public consumption or not *family oriented* (@Prasanna, @Egghead: I still insist 😉 )

  11. 11 DEVESH
    2009/05/09 at 12:24 pm

    Prateek BHai i finally found you. Where are you & wassup? Drop me a mail at devesh2012@gmail.com

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